mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
