if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
