Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
