Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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