OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
