He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
