If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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