i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love you.
Bad choice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
