Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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