she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
