It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
