sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
