I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
