it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
