I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
