is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
