So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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