I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
