There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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