1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
