too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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