I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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