her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
