He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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