yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she woke up with a sticky ear
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
