i would punch a child for taco bell
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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