I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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