i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
