if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
