It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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