I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
