I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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