Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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