Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
