I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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