I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
