apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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