Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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