Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
