I feel like abortions should bother me more
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
