I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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