I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
