Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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