I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
