Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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