i permit you to call me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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