Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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