We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And then he peed in my hair
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