Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
