Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
