it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
