so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
