you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
