Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
