Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
