the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
