Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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