Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
