Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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