i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
