i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want to be your penis for a week.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
