Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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