If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
