wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
