There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
