No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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