i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
