singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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