In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
