We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize