it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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