i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
